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Kids! Who'd have them in Tenerife?

We invited three mothers to the Iberostar Grand Hotel Anthelia on the promise of wine, nibbles and a few hours away from maternal responsibilities to ask them what it' s like having children in Tenerife.

Deborah Learmouth runs her own travel agency and has lived in Tenerife for 16 years. She has two teenage daughters, Julia and Francesca

Natascha Genger works in reservations department and moved from Holland 11 years ago after studying art. She lives in Granadilla with long-term partner Stefan and their son, Romeo (3).

Joy Liddell works in accounting. She moved here from the UK 13 years ago with partner, Joe. They have a daughter, Molly (18 months), and are expecting their second child in July

In what ways is having a baby in Spain different from in England?

Joy: When I was having my baby the doctor said, “It' s not you English girls who make all the fuss, it' s the Canarians. The English just get on with it.”

Deborah: I don' t believe that.

Joy: Yes, he said it was the typical ‘stiff upper lip' syndrome.

Deborah: I don' t think so. I' ve had two kids here and both times the people that screamed the most were the British. The Canarians just pop them out no problem but the British expect some pain relief.

How did the language barrier affect you during your pregnancy and labour?

Joy: Well, although I' m not good at Spanish, I got by no problem.

Natascha: The language wasn' t a problem but I did feel like they were treating me like a tourist.

Joy: I can' t say I felt that.

Deborah: Me neither. I was treated very, very well. Even with my first, when I didn' t really speak Spanish, I found they were really helpful.

Natascha: Where did you have yours?

Deborah: In the Green Clinic.

Joy: That was 13 years ago. I bet it was a lot different then.

Deborah: It was. I felt like I was in a hotel to be honest.

Natascha: Afterwards it' s nice because you can have the baby in your room.

Joy: I remember that they said the baby would be taken off us at midnight every night and brought back at six o' clock in the morning to give you a rest. And I thought, ‘they' re not taking my baby off me!' But by the time 12 o' clock came, I was like, ok, here…! (Laughs)

Deborah: I just thought the medical attention and everything was very, very good. Everything went so smoothly and everyone made a fuss with my first because I didn' t speak the language. The second time round, they remembered me! (Laughs)

Joy: You do hear horror stories but I was quite happy with everything. The midwife was very matter-of-fact but when it all went pear-shaped and the doctor came, he was very nice. I can' t complain.

Deborah: You don' t have a lot of aftercare here. You' re basically left to do your own thing. You leave the hospital with your baby and your little box of freebies…

All: (Laughter)

Natascha: It' s true!

Deborah: And they say, “bye, bye. See you in two weeks.”It' s really funny.

Natascha: Do they give you a box in England?

Deborah: I don' t think so, it' s great though, you' ve got milk, bottles, nappies, dummies. You get your baby and your little starter pack and you' re on your own.

Joy: Yeah. I had a caesarean and had to be in hospital for a few days afterwards so on the fourth or five day they gave Molly her heel prick. But I had a friend who had her baby naturally and they never told her she had to come back for that test. When she went to the hospital eight or nine days later for the weighing they said, ‘didn' t you come back for the heel prick?' She was hysterical, thinking she' d done something wrong.

Deborah: I think if you' ve got the language, you understand a little bit more but I don' t think they' re forthright in providing you with information on simple things like registering your baby.

Joy: Yeah, you have to do that within 15 days or something.

Deborah: Even naming your baby. You have to do that within 72 hours by law over here for the birth certificate. With my first child I' d been told that I was having a boy so when I gave birth to a girl I didn' t have a name. 13 years ago, you could only choose certain names. Every name we came up with was too foreign or strange for them. In the end I got her name from a film.

Joy: Was she named after Julia Roberts then?

Deborah: Yeah! Pretty Woman had just come out.

All: (laughter)

Joy: I' ll tell you what we found out. We live in Guía and when we had Molly we went to the local town hall to register her because that' s where someone told us we had to go. We got there and there was this man behind a desk peering over his glasses at us. We told him, in our best Spanish, that we' d come to register our baby and he asked, 'Are you married?' I said no. He shook his head, sucked his teeth and told us there was no way we could register our baby here and that we had to go to Los Cristianos. When we went there we felt like we were with all the sinners not allowed to register our babies in the town hall.

What advice would you give someone who speaks no Spanish and is planning to have a baby in Tenerife?

Deborah: I' d still advise them to do it. If you' re living here then make the most of the situation. If you haven' t got any plans to stay here, think twice about what you're doing. But, I think you're a lot better looked after here than you would be in the UK and if you've no intentions to leave then why not do as the locals do?

Joy: Yeah, I just think, what's the point of going all the way back and using a system that you're not paying for and sponge off the state.

Natascha: Yes, you live here, so you should do everything here.

Deborah: Not only that but if your partner's here as well then why would you want to uproot for six to eight weeks?

Natascha: I know, I have a lot of friends who did that and I think it's because a lot of them suddenly realised that they didn't want to be here. I think that's what it is.

Joy: It might also be because they're not properly in the system. They can't get social and they don't have a private healthcare plan. It costs a lot of money to go private, doesn't it?

How does shopping for your kids here compare with England? Are clothes, accessories, baby food, nappies etc cheaper, the same or more expensive? Are there enough places to shop?

Deborah: I think you're very limited in the clothes you can buy here.

Joy: And it's very expensive.

All: Yeah

Deborah: When I go back to England I come back with so much luggage.

Natascha: I think they're getting more shops here though. I saw a new one the other day in Carrefour. But, one thing I miss are the different colours, sportier clothes, 100 per cent cotton...

Joy: With girls, they tend to puff them up in big bridesmaid dresses

All: (laughter)

Natascha: Or they dress the boys like little men.

Joy: With bow ties!

All: (more laughter)

Deborah: Yes, a lot of stuff here is very old fashioned.

Joy: Yes, it is. I've hardly bought any clothes here. The only thing I like for children here are the shoes. They have good shoes, unusual ones. I tend to buy Molly's shoes here and when we go back to England everyone goes, 'ahhh!' because they're all patent leather in England. What's all that about?

Deborah: I never bring back food though.

Natascha: No, me neither.

Deborah: With my first child, I got Farleys Rusks and other things I'd been brought up on myself but I just found that it accumulated in my cupboard. With both my children I had Spanish nannies that just looked at these things and thought, 'What are they? Who would give this to their kids?'

Joy: What I usually get people to bring out with them is Sudocrem. I know it's silly, they have nappy rash creams here, but I just wanted Sudocrem.

Natascha: Oh I know, I used to get some from Holland because it smelled so good.

Deborah: I think it has a lot to do with the magazines you read because they're usually in your own language and the ads are all products in your country. But there are people who have been living here for years and have kids and bring back jars of baby food from England.

Do you think Tenerife is a safe place to bring up your children?

Natascha: I think it's definitely safer

Joy: I do too, but then I've never brought up a child in England so I'm just going off what the media says.

Do you want your kids to have a Spanish or English education?

Joy: All I can say is that Molly is going to have two languages at the end of the day, that's what I'm going to give her.

Deborah: That's my opinion as well. At the end of the day, what they're going to have is a bilingual education. My eldest daughter is completely bilingual. It's amazing how they adapt when they're young.

Joy: Spanish.

Natascha: Me too. I guess that's why we're already here. We're not so English or so Dutch, we already feel different.

Do you plan to bring your children up bilingual? Why and how will you go about it?

Natascha: Their brains are like sponges. I speak Dutch with my son, my boyfriend speaks to him in French, he learns Spanish at school and Stefan and I speak English together.

Joy: Obviously I want my daughter and son to be bilingual but personally, I haven't put Molly in nursery because I've seen quite a lot of children with foreign parents who end up speaking Spanish before they speak their mother tongue. At the moment she doesn't speak properly, only a few words, so I'm hesitant to put her in Spanish nursery. I've seen so many children aged three and four that don't speak half as good as they should do because they've got too many languages.

Natascha: No, you're wrong.

Deborah: You're very wrong. I have a daughter with an Italian father. She always had Spanish nannies and she went to an English nursery. What's important is that the child identifies with whoever is a round speaking to them in that language. Also, you shouldn't try to speak to your child in Spanish because it's not your mother tongue, it's important that you speak your own language. I've always spoken to my children in English, my husband spoke to them in Italian and they had Spanish from every other source around them.

Joy: But didn't you feel in the early days, at 18 months, that they got confused?

Deborah: No. As long as they know who they're talking to and in what language they speak to them in.

Joy: Even at such a young age?

Natascha: My son learns Spanish at nursery and he also picks up a few words of English.

Deborah: I had a psychologist friend who said that you should stabilise one language before you move on to the other.

Joy: That's what I'm trying to say with Molly at the moment.

Deborah: Yes but you can do that just by talking to her in your own language. She'll identify that that's the language she's connected to you with.

Is there enough government support for parents here?

Natascha: I was at home for the first 23 months and I received paro (unemployment benefit).

Joy: You managed to stay home nearly two years?

Natascha: I could have stayed two and a half years but when I was coming round to the 23rd month I felt like I was losing my identity. I stopped the paro and went back to work full-time.

Deborah: I'm self-employed so I didn't get anything from the government. I was working on the day I had my baby and within five days I was back in my office because I needed to earn a living.
(As autonomo/self-employed, expectant mothers now do receive a maternity benefit from the state.)

Natascha: I was working a week and a half before I had my baby.

Joy: I was the same, ten days before.

Deborah: As far as support goes, in the UK you get a lot.

Is Spain more child-friendly than England?

All: Yes, definitely

Deborah: I think that children who grow up here have such a wonderful life. My older one has such a free spirit and such a great outlook on life. You dont have to worry about your children here.

Deborah: Here you can bring children into restaurants. You can't do that everywhere in the UK, or even in the rest of Europe.

Natascha: Oh yes, I agree.

Deborah: And everyone kisses your children, which is something you just don't do in your country.

Joy: I know, we've got a friend who's a teacher and we were having a meal in a restaurant one night when this girl of about eight or nine years old, came up. She was one of his pupils. She came up and gave her a big hug and I thought, can you imagine doing that to your teachers? I'd never have done that. Ever.

Deborah: I know, my daughter is six years old and recently moved back to her old school and the caretaker walks up a hugs her every single morning. He gives her a kiss on the cheek and says, "My pretty little Italian girl, you're back again." It's really sweet. He knows all the children's names, whereas in the UK you're so frightened of getting close.

Natascha: They're more open here. My son goes to nursery and they're so, so friendly.

Deborah: Yeah, I think it's a really nice environment to bring your children up in.

Living in a foreign country, do you miss having grandparents, aunties & uncles etc nearby to lend a hand?

Joy: You do miss the family support.

Deborah: I think that's the reason why people who have been here a year move back when they start having kids.

Natascha: Yes. You need somebody you can trust to leave your child with.

Deborah: And it's expensive.

Joy: Yeah, it costs a fortune.

Natascha: For me it's not really that. It's leaving your baby with somebody you actually trust.

Deborah: When Julia was born 13 years ago my mum was already living here. The reason I came here was because Tenerife was like a second home. It was great because every other weekend she'd drive down from Santa Cruz where she lived, pick up Julia, drive up and she was gone for the weekend. But with Francesca, her Dad lives in England so I have to do everything on my own.

How do the childcare facilities and parks compare to back home?

Deborah: There are hardly any facilities here, no baby changing rooms.

Natascha: I don't know, I think Sky Park is wonderful.
(note: Sky Park closed it's gates in 2006 and is currently not operational. Aguilas Park makes an excellent alternative and a great day out for the kids.)

Joy: Yeah, Brinco's is good too.

Deborah: Yes but compared with what you have in the UK, there are no child facilities here. I actually made a complaint in one of the major department stores. I mean, how can you have a five-story building without a baby-changing facility?

Joy: Still, it's not enough to put any of us off, is it?

This article has been supplied by kind permission of Living Tenerife Magazine. Read more articles like this on Island Life, Golf and Property Tenerife.

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In what ways is having a baby in Spain different from in England?

How did the language barrier affect you during your pregnancy and labour?

What advice would you give someone who speaks no Spanish and is planning to have a baby in Tenerife?

How does shopping for your kids here compare with England? Are clothes, accessories, baby food, nappies etc cheaper, the same or more expensive? Are there enough places to shop?

Do you think Tenerife is a safe place to bring up your children?

Do you want your kids to have a Spanish or English education?

Do you plan to bring your children up bilingual? Why and how will you go about it?

Is there enough government support for parents here?

Is Spain more child-friendly than England?

Living in a foreign country, do you miss having grandparents, aunties & uncles etc nearby to lend a hand?

How do the childcare facilities and parks compare to back home?